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PIERLUIGI COLLINA, THE BALDEST AND BEST REFEREE IN THE WORLD, HAS GOT HIS BOOK OUT, ONLY THIS TIME THE FAMOUS PLAYERS WHOSE NAMES HE HAS NOTED INSIDE ARE QUITE PLEASED TO GET A MENTION.

The 2002 World Cup final referee’s autobiography, The Rules Of The Game, is just one of the hundreds of football books to be released during 2003 and will no doubt be unwrapped a few times on Christmas morning, but should the Italian ref’s ramblings be top of your list to Santa?

Football books seem to be in vogue at the moment and it’s no coincidence that a man who probably reads Vogue regularly, David Beckham, released the most eagerly anticipated tome of the year.

When David Beckham, My Side finally appeared in the summer, there was just one thing we all wanted to know: how was that boot propelled on its eye-splitting mission in the Manchester United dressing room last February? United manager Sir Alex Ferguson called it a “freakish” accident at the time, but was it something more sinister?

No, and it takes 400 pages of Essex boy moves north, plays football, meets girl, loves his family before you get to that point. The most amusing line though relates to that incident after an FA Cup defeat by Arsenal at Old Trafford. “I went for the gaffer,” says Beckham, going on to describe it as, “like some mad scene from a gangster movie.” I wonder if that tallies with the thoughts of Sir Alex, a tough Scot, born and raised in Govan, Glasgow, watching, as he must have done that day, a guy with blond hair and an Alice band, screaming at him in a high-pitched voice.

While England’s captain hit the best-sellers list at the grand old age of 28, some England heroes of old were doing their best to join him. From the Boys of 66, George Cohen started the ball rolling in 2003 under the original title, George Cohen, My Autobiography, followed by Nobby Stiles, After The Ball, My Autobiography. It was then the turn of the nearly man of 66, Jimmy Greaves, who failed to choose anything snappier when naming his book: Jimmy Greaves, The Autobiography.

Not to be outdone, Scotland and Wales bickered in 2003 over who had the grandest hero of them all. The King, Denis Law, The Autobiography was not the first penned by the twinkle-toed Scot, but competed with King John, John Charles, The Autobiography, the story of the Welsh giant who went on to conquer Italy’s Serie A. Which one best deserves the title ‘King’? Better ask Bob Harris, he was the ghost writer on both books.

Obviously I enjoyed dipping into Frank McAvennie: Scoring, An Expert’s Guide, but my favourite autobiography of 2003 comes from former Arsenal keeper and TV pundit, Bob Wilson, if only for the fact it told me his middle name is Primrose.

Bob Wilson, Behind The Network recalls dark days, such as the death of his brothers in the Second World War and his daughter Anna’s failure to beat cancer five years ago. On the lighter side though, he admits to refereeing a schools game one Saturday morning before cycling to Highbury to make his Arsenal debut, plus how the Gunners became embroiled in a street brawl after a European tie with Lazio.

Scandal is what we really want and the loudest voice in 2003 belongs to Tom Bower. His investigative work Broken Dreams: Vanity, Greed and the Souring of British Football has chapters devoted to the likes of Brian Clough, George Graham and a certain Mr Redknapp that will leave you open mouthed with tales that you assume must have a strong footing in reality, otherwise he’d have been up in court long before now!

If you can face a reminder of the horrors of last season The Legacy of Barry Green [a play on Gary Breen] by Robert Banks will guide you through it, while Hamlyn’s The Official West Ham United Dream Team will be good to kick-off the first Christmas Day argument.

Sadly, the old schoolboy joke of telling your Mum you want a Rothmans for Christmas is no more, the sponsorship of the famous football annual having now passed from the cigarette manufacturer to Sky Sports. The book remains exactly the same though and is the journalists’ bible. And if you can’t shift those unwelcome guests over Christmas, make sure you’ve got Mike Hammond’s European Football Yearbook to hand. A quick recounting of Valletta’s game-by-game progress through the Maltese League championship of 2002-03 will work wonders.