I HAD A BATTLE WITH A PETROL CAP LAST WEEK. NOT THE MOST STUNNING PIECE OF NEWS, I ADMIT, BUT TEARING OFF TWO FINGERNAILS AS I STRUGGLED TO YANK IT OPEN WAS NOT THE SMARTEST MOVE FROM SOMEBODY WHO NEEDS TO OPERATE A COMPUTER KEYBOARD FOR 16 HOURS A DAY. 

But then logic never applies when it comes to self-imposed injuries and some of the best sick notes ever written come from the beautiful game. Ask club captain Steve Lomas. In an effort to shake off his troublesome shin injury over the summer, Steve decided to take things easy, even avoiding the golf course in favour of a relaxing break in America. The injury still flared up though, the reason given?  "I was doing a lot of walking in Disneyland."

Still, he was right to steer clear of the greens and fairways. Three years ago, Portsmouth midfielder John Durnin was playing a round with Alan McLoughlin, but was far better at directing the ball than the golf buggy he was driving. Admiring the view rather than his path ahead, Durnin steered his buggy into a fairway hollow, dislocated an elbow in the crash and missed the first six weeks of the season. Not that McLoughlin had much to smile about. The Republic of Ireland player once ruptured his right thumb lifting his young daughter Megan. 

Children are masters at sabotage. Leeds midfielder David Batty may be a hard man on the pitch, but being run over by his toddler on a tricycle put back his recovery from an Achilles tendon injury by several weeks. When at Torrenham, Allan Nielsen missed several matches because his young daughter decided her finger belonged in his eye and in August of this year, Kidderminster Harriers captain Sean Flynn suffered a bashed nose and split lip after tripping over toy car belonging to his son and falling down the stairs. 

Darren Barnard was in top form for Barnsley in the 1998-99 season, until a little accident in the January, or rather two little accidents. The agile defender failed to negotiate a puddle of wee kindly provided by his over-excited new puppy and suffered knee ligament damage that kept him out of action until the last game of the season.  

Even the simplest of household objects can turn on their footballing owners. David 'Lurch' Beasant's trip to a pantry cupboard in 1993 was fraught with danger. With his arms full of goodies, he naturally fumbled a bottle of salad cream but stuck out a foot to stop it crashing onto the floor. The bottle cut his foot to the bone and severed a tendon in his big toe, ensuring a 10-week absence.  Former Preston North End midfielder Dean Barrick was crocked by a coffee pot for a month in 1997, its steaming contents spilling onto his groin providing injuries that I don't wish to consider but surely one of the best home alone casualties is former Hammer Rio Ferdinand. 

In January of last year, Rio was enjoying a bit of a video fest, relaxing with his feet up on the coffee table as he watched the TV. He didn't even move. That was the problem. Bleary eyed from viewing, Rio found that when he tried to get up he had strained a tendon behind a knee and was carted away for a scan. 

It's not just British footballers who have all the fun though. Hajduk Split's Milan Rapaic had a not so flying start to one season, poking himself in the eye at an airport with a boarding pass, but my favourite is a story from Norway in the 1970s. Defender Svein Grondalen was looking forward to meeting up with his international teammates but had to withdraw from the squad after suffering a slight mishap while out jogging. He collided with a Moose.

Well, we've all done that . .