WHEN ENGLAND PLAYED AZERBAIJAN LAST WEEK, IT WASN’T JUST THE PRONUNCIATION OF THE COUNTRY’S NAME THAT WAS CAUSING PROBLEMS.

The coach of the former Russian state is Carlos Alberto, famous as a player for being the captain of Brazil’s 1970 World Cup winning team. Naturally, a lot of previews carried by national newspapers focused on his achievements as player and coach, and that’s where a few got into difficulty.

Azerbaijan’s boy from Brazil goes by the full name of Carlos Alberto Torres, but a couple of papers had pictures of Carlos Alberto Perreira, Brazil’s 1994 World Cup winning manager, splattered across their pages.

Working for a rival paper, you can allow yourself a smile for at least half a second when you see such things, before worrying not whether, but when it will be your turn to score an own goal.

Me? I blame the Brazilians for their extravagant way of naming each other. This, after all, is a team who at one stage had three Ronaldos at the same time. Real Madrid’s version, full name Ronaldo Luiz Nazario de Lima, is the player we recognise as being the genuine article. But then there is tough Santa Cruz defender Ronaldo Rodrigues de Jesus, who, when both players were in Brazil’s 1994 World Cup squad, was known by the nickname Ronaldao, the ‘Big Ronaldo’ (no similarity to Ron Atkinson intended).

In 1999, up popped Ronaldo de Assis Moreira, another teenager with a toothy grin. We now know him as Ronaldinho, the ‘Little Ronaldo’, who struts his stuff at Real’s rivals Barcelona. Bear in mind too, there is Manchester United’s Portuguese version, Cristiano Ronaldo dos Santos Aveiro, though his name didn’t come from his famous footballing namesakes, but from his parents’ respect for former US president Ronald Regan.

When it comes to Brazilian heroes, the most famous of all without question is Edson Arantes do Nascimento — that’s Pele in new money — and of the many kids named after the ‘Black Pearl’, my favourite tale is of American Edson Buddle, who, now 23, has survived being given the first of the great man’s many names by a football daft father, to play for Columbus Crew in Major League Soccer. Last month he became the first player to score four goals in a MLS match in over two years.

Perhaps the best known example of a player achieving success in the Premiership having been given a footballer’s name is Arsenal’s Dennis Bergkamp, though when his parents named him after Denis Law they accidentally added an extra ‘n’.

Of course, football fans always take things one step further. One pair of Arsenal supporters have a child named Lanesra (read it backwards), while there is apparently a couple of Preston North End fans with the surname Rule, who have named their child, Preston Nigel Edward, or PNE Rule, for short.

Best of all perhaps is a football fanatic from Bulawayo, Zimbabwe, who has named his three sons Maradona, Platini and Ronaldo, though just about anything would be an improvement on his own name, Horsepower Shabunga. What exactly did his parents expect him to be when he grew up?

LUCKY DAY? Sorry Stoke City fans but I can’t resist this one. West Ham’s record win in the League is 8-0. The last time that was achieved was on today’s date, October 19, in 1968. The Hammers’ opponents that day were Sunderland, another team famous for wearing red and white stripes. You can see where I’m going with this, right? . . .